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Apr. 12th, 2005 @ 09:36 am (no subject)

Dear President BushCollapse )

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Feb. 2nd, 2005 @ 07:08 pm (no subject)
Do you ever get sick of hearing yourself talk? I feel like nothing I say is original or worth listening to. I'm sure no one cares about anything that's been coming out of my mouth lately.

I feel lame and alone.
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Jan. 25th, 2005 @ 12:32 pm (no subject)
It is 1:52 am and you are eating candy from your stash despite the fact that you have already brushed your teeth for the evening. It does not matter that food before bed is your biggest pet peeve because the way things are going you won't be sleeping for a long, long time. Whether or not residual sugars will be eating away at your tooth enamel all night seems to be the absolute least of your worries. Your hand dives into the bag like a desperate flailing animal and emerges full of calories ready to be packed onto your steadily bulging figure. You gobble them up as though doing so guarantees the peace of mind you've been without all this time.

What does your appearance matter if no one is looking?
It's probably untrue to say that NO ONE is looking; but the thing is that HE isn't, and you should know. You haven't spent a moment in public NOT looking for him since the morning you woke up and realized that even though the night before you had both agreed things were over between you, they never really would be.

It's amazing that you haven't run into each other. The town is only so big, and you know all of his favorite places. Not that you would wait for him there. You can't bring yourself to drive through his neighborhood or seek out any of his friends. Even the fact that those things came to mind brings on a wave of self-loathing; are you that pathetic?
No, but you keep looking. You don't have the courage to face the awkwardness of calling him but you've convinced yourself that if you saw each other in public you could magically pick up where you left off and be happy again. So you're looking for him. You're looking so hard that it distracts you from other things. You almost crash your car every time you think you see his, you forget an entire aisle of groceries when a similar looking man walks by, you whip around so fast that you trip yourself when you smell his cologne in the air.

You know it's not good for you and you try to get him out of your mind but it's impossible. Your song comes on the radio, movies you watched together are on TV, things you discussed at length come up in conversation, and worst of all people ask about him and you don't know how to answer because you haven't even come up with answers to your own questions about him.

It's never over.
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Jan. 2nd, 2005 @ 10:04 am what a mind blow.
What was I thinking? I don't know. But it doesnt matter, because that was amazing. Not the nitty gritty tangible business (which was as superb), but the thought process that accompanied it. How when it was all done and over, my mindset was different. How can it be that I've changed? Where did I go, the old me, who cared and calculated and condescended? But I felt alive and well yesterday, and I appreciated the events. Thank... you. I mean, yes I over exaggerate and get dramatic about things, for that I'm sorry, but it was nice, and simple too. No. strings. attatched. It was what it was. but What it WAS was something, just not fit for a category. in my opinion. and may it ever happen again? who knows. I'd sure be up for that. atleast while i feel like me is me. wtf. am i talking about. i sure as hell dont know. but if this is what 2005 holds (experiences of this nature) then bring it.... on.
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Dec. 11th, 2004 @ 08:24 am holidays
The Holiday season is here. all the hustle and bustle of jolly saint nicks favorite time of year, as well as mine. Since no one seems inspired to write in here any more, maybe this question will spark a new love for the anonymous lj community that used to be...

what non tangible gift would you love to recieve for christmas (or politicailly correct winter holiday of your choice)?

What would you give?
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Dec. 3rd, 2004 @ 11:42 am @#$%^&*(

SHame... SHAME!
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Nov. 23rd, 2004 @ 09:43 am *..()..*
Some people are so insecure with themselves that they are quick to jump on other people's mistakes, point them out, and know the right answer to "solving", yet never actually experienced their position. THey might think they know... theyve "seen" it, been "around" it, actually "tried" it... but they havent.

They think they know everything about anything, just because they have a good head on their shoulders. Just because you are an intelligent person, you cant expect to know everything.

I dont know everything, I never will. I have experienced some things no one would ever want to deal with, but i dont fret too much. It's a learning experience... each day I'm one step closer to knowing the real me, to finding my purpose, if any.

If life is such a prescious gift, why is it so easy to damage it? I dont think its because its so fragile, but more because we are just klutzy in our decisions. But it goes beyond tangible desicions.

Some of the most hurtful thing you can do to yourself or someone else is the spoken word, or the glances, or the attitude- things that transcend the body, but define the soul. Get past looking at things with a 21st century american eye, realize you are one of MANY, that existence is something of an accident at times... and nonexistence is just as random... but there are times when you can very prominently affect both. You can create life, and you can end it, whether it be your own life, or someone elses.

society has created the word "god" to answer questions beyond discovery. a book dedicated to a philosophy and story of existence. a guideline to "eternal" happiness. The unexplained was referenced to an otherwordly being, who was meant to be a provider, protector and precious parent. "Pagans" dabbled in science to get an even closer understanding of the workings of so called "life". Ignorance aside, they opened their minds to new ideas, new philosophies, new discoveries. maybe all their findings will eventually point back to "god"... but maybe that is just short cut to bliss. societies cult like addiction to relgion is primarily a hypocritical view on life itself. that to be JOYful, you have to SUBMIT. CONFORM. Be a SHEEP. OBEY. make your mind, body and soul, "useful" to your community...

is that all it is... oh no... then there's procreation... the mating process. finding that "special someone" to bond with, and find a "connection" with.. all for the name of "love". and to bring more life into the world so this process can continue, and continue.

and continue....

until we all wise up and see how retarded this all is and start eating eachother.

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Nov. 18th, 2004 @ 12:47 pm at times like these.
At times like these, I am thankful for whatever sparks us.
For that energetic drive that commands us to DO.
What ever it is we do, it causes life to propel and continue... for what purpose? Ehh... I don't know exactly, but I know that I can achieve what ever I want... it's all in the mind.
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Nov. 2nd, 2004 @ 10:04 pm (*)
Current Mood: hopefulhopeful
Current Music: beck sea change
i've decided that i cannot be contained
that i wont sit down and cry about it
or tell the epic lie in spite
and be alright alright

i will not wait for dawn to break
engraving each second with mistake
there is no hand outstretched to take
but goodness' only remaing sake
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Oct. 19th, 2004 @ 10:49 pm (no subject)
Walking side by side with death, The devil mocks their every step
The snow drives back the foot that's slow, The dogs of doom are howling more
They carry news that must get through, To build a dream for me and you

They choose the path where no-one goes.
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